Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Viva La Easy Cheese

I was at the grocery store tonight and noticed that Cheez-it has introduced a line of pasteurized cheese snack. Not only have they dared to challenge the authority of Easy Cheese there brand is more expensive, like 50 cents or so. This leads me to one important question: Who the hell does Cheez-it think they are?

They have now signaled the end of days as the beast shall rise and the only ones saved will be those who used Easy Cheese. Into the fire shall all those who even dared to nibble, nay even smelled the Cheez-it brand. For as the beast arises those and those loyal to Easy Cheese shall be sparred this fate and shall spend eternity with a Ritz box and bottle of cheese spread that never shall be empty. Mammalian lactose and apidae regurgitation is the old ideal, in this promise land the contents of the cracker jar shall be what is overflowing.

I could see if a competing company came in and wanted to dethrone Kraft and their canned cheese empire by offering their product at a lower price. It is ridiculous to bring this C level game to the arena (B level would be the generics with the same product only cheaper), you don't come into EC's (Easy Cheese) house and try charging more for your new product. But the Cheez-it brand has a blue container and blue is coooool. No it isn't, and why don't you ask Cheez-it why it went with blue when all it's other products are in bright red boxes? No answer Cheez-it? That's what I thought, get out of here while you still have some dignity, and next time you come you either bring your A game or don't waste my time.

I am not saying I would never blaspheme and try the Cheez-it brand, but I will wait until the product line has failed and it is like 50 cents a can.

No comments: